Happy

It's a nice day out today.

God is better than you because He created butterflies. Can you make a butterfly? I mean a live one, not one of those origami things although God can make those too.

Be my Valentine

Happy Twelfth Day After Groundhog Day everyone!

God is better than you because He doesn't need to buy candy, flowers or stuffed animals today, nor does He have to take anyone out to dinner just because some grand marketing scheme compels us to.

Oopsie

Apparently there was some kind of little accident over the weekend involving the Vice-President of the United States, a friend of his, and a round of birdshot.

God is better than you because He doesn't make up lame excuses for shooting you in the face. If He's mad enough at you to shoot you in the face, He will flat out tell you so. Or if you get Him REALLY mad, He might give you leprosy or Parkinson's Disease. Take THAT Michael J. Fox!

Safe and secure

I have never been abducted by aliens. But that doesn't mean I have never been anally probed.

God is better than you because He has protected your home planet from alien invasion for thousands of years.

Madagascar

I finally got around to seeing Madagascar the other day. Funny movie. Which reminds me...

God is better than you because He can tell you exactly what a sea turtle swimming off the coast of Madagascar is thinking.

Ha ha!

A sense of humor is a wonderful quality in a diety. But so is politeness.

God is better than you because He's seen you naked and doesn't laugh.

Big time

God is big. I'm talking huge here. He is so incredibly enormous that you can't even begin to comprehend how big He really is. And as the old saying goes... the bigger, the better.

God is better than you because He is bigger than the universe. You will never be that big, no matter how much you eat.

Fan club

OK, maybe this one doesn't apply to Oprah Winfrey, Our Lady of the Perpetual Diet, but I doubt she reads this blog anyway.

God is better than you because He has millions of people worshipping Him. How many are worshipping you?

The patient gamer

Overheating power supplies. Blue screens of death. Dissatisfaction of game developers over the chosen media format. These are just a few of the problems plaguing the Xbox 360. If any other company devloped it, you'd never see another game console come out of their warehouses ever again. But we're talking about Microsoft, a company that has amassed a fortune by making people accept merchandise ranging from poorly-designed to outright defective. I expect they'll soon be releasing a handheld unit that burns the image of Bill Gates into your palm.

God is better than you because He knew that the Xbox 360 would suck before it was even designed. That's why He's saving his money for a Playstation 3 instead.

I keek a touchdown

I hear there's some kind of sporting event planned for this upcoming weekend. God knows all about it too.

God is better than you because He knows who is going to win Super Bowl XL. And He knows both teams are praying for a win. And He knows one of them is going to be very ticked off after the game. And He doesn't care, because it's just a stupid game.